Beer: The cause and cure of all life's problems

 "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then
 I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all
 of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out
 of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
 better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
 selfish and worry about my liver." --- Jack Handy
 
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 "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
 morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ---Frank Sinatra
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 "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
         --- Henny Youngman
 
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 "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ---
 Stephen Wright
 
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 "When we drink, we ! get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
 fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
 Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" --- Brian O'Rourke
 
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 "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
         --- Benjamin Franklin
 
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 "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
 beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
 wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --- Dave Barry
 
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 BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
         --- "Unknown"
 
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 Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser.
 
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 To some it's a six---pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
 
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 And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
 a! fternoon at Cheers, Cliff was ex plaining the Buffalo Theory to his
 buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
 
 "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
 fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
 slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
 selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
 health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
 weakest members.
 
 In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
 slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
 cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
 first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
 brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. !
 That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."